“On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. ‘Teacher,’ he asked, ‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ ‘What is written in the Law?’ he replied. ‘How do you read it?’ He answered, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself.’ ‘You have answered correctly,’ Jesus replied. ‘Do this and you will live.’” (Luke 10:25-28, NIV)
François Fénelon, Archbishop of Cambrai from l695 until 1715, is best known for being a great “director of souls.” Saint-Simon wrote, “I have never seen in any other person that which, seen but once, could never be forgotten. One had to make an effort to cease looking at him. There was a sympathetic merging of his own personality with a friend with whom he was speaking, a subtle grace which made some say, ‘His friends love him because they see themselves in him.’”
Just this glimpse of Fénelon’s giftedness shows his counsel is a sign of his self-knowledge: “The most important thing, if you really wish to be a religious man, is to distrust yourself, after so many proofs of your weakness.” On how to judge one’s self, he reflects: “While we are so imperfect, we can understand only in part. The same self-love that causes our defects injuriously hides them from ourselves and others. Self-love cannot bear the view of itself. It finds some hiding place. There is always some illusion in us while we have so much love of ourselves.”
There is a difference between love of self and self-love. I’ve known people who lived with purpose but with pain because of their ugly self-image. I’ve also known people who valued themselves, contributing redemptively to their communities. When we read the gospels, we discover Jesus valuing people, calling them out to use their giftedness. When he called them to love their neighbors, he gave them the recipe to do it. Jesus does not say we are to love our neighbors instead of ourselves. Jesus wants us to love ourselves! But self-love is another thing. Self-love is self-centeredness which claims a place belonging only to God, placing us at the center, pushing God and others to the periphery. This is the self-love Fénelon cautions against.
“Self-love must be uprooted, and the love of God take its place in our hearts before we can see ourselves as we are. Then the same principle that enables us to see our imperfections will destroy them. When the light of truth has risen within us, then we see clearly what is there. Then we love ourselves without particularity, without flattery, as we love our neighbor. We discover our imperfections one by one as we are able to cure them. Without this merciful preparation that adapts our strength to the light within, we should be in despair.”
Moment of Reflection: Is my self-love self-centered or is it God-centered?
Prayer: Loving Jesus, help me to love myself so I can love my neighbor the right way. Amen.
Saints Alive! is available in both print and Kindle format by clicking HERE.